Passions Read online

  She could only imagine how hard it was for him to be in the same house with her. It must be like a starving human who sat at a Thanksgiving feast but couldn’t partake.

  “What can I do to help?” she asked, her voice carefully soft and meek. Any hint of aggression might set him off again.

  Gavin’s mouth opened quickly as if he would respond with another biting answer, but he stopped himself and walked around her, keeping his hands occupied the whole time. He wiped his mouth on his palm, scratched at his dark eyebrows, pinched his nose and huffed air out at the same time, and all manner of other fidgety movements that left her wondering if he were about to have a psychotic breakdown.

  After taking a few restless turns around the living room, he turned to her and said, “I need to be busy.”

  Chloe nodded, trying to process what that meant. “Ok. We can work on the novel if you feel up to it.”

  He shook his head and waved off her offer. “No, no. That only keeps me occupied while we’re discussing the plot. But when you type, I have nothing to think about. I need to think. My mind needs a diversion.”

  She shrugged. “Would reading help?”

  “It would,” he replied tirelessly, “but I’ve read nearly every book in Carter Lake.”

  “Then we’ll get you more.”

  “Where?” he asked in exasperation. “There are no bookstores.”

  “You’ve heard of libraries, right?”

  “Of course, I’ve heard of libraries,” he growled. “But there isn’t one anywhere near here.”

  Chloe took a few cautious steps forward. “I remember passing by one on my way to Carter Lake. I know where it is, and it’s probably only an hour’s drive away.”

  Gavin turned a fierce look at her. “Then why are we just standing here? Get dressed!” he barked.

  Even through his anger, she found what he said slightly amusing. She smiled, much to his annoyance, and went upstairs to slip on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

  After an hour of enduring Gavin’s harping on her driving skills as they sped down the darkened highway, they came to the library Chloe had mentioned. She cut off the engine and stared at the blackened windows. It was almost ten o’clock, and she should have known that the library would be closed.

  Chloe grimaced to think how Gavin would explode. But as soon as she leaned over to turn the key that was still stuck in the ignition, she heard him open the passenger side door and slide out.

  “Where are you going?” she called out as he briskly walked around the front of the jeep.

  “Where do you think?”

  Chloe had almost had enough of his attitude, but she held onto the fact that he wouldn’t be this way forever. She slid out of the car and jogged to catch up with him at the glass front doors.

  “The library is closed,” she said in hushed tones. Looking around, there were no other stores or residences nearby to see them. The library was safely tucked away on a back road far from the main strip of the town that was a little bigger than Carter Lake. There might have been no reason to be so cautious.

  Gavin ignored her comment and pulled out something from his jeans pocket. She was nonplussed to see it was a Swiss Army pocketknife set, complete with a corkscrew and nail file, along with a number of other doodads. Chloe couldn’t understand why a vampire would need such a tool but wasn’t about to ask.

  He flipped out a sharp picking tool and began working on the door lock.

  “Gavin, we can’t just break in!”

  “Please be quiet so I can hear the locking pins.”

  His voice was oddly calm and level, which might have been the only reason Chloe decided to do as he said. They were committing a felony, and if a cop happened to roll by, there was no explaining their presence there.

  Just as she was wondering if breaking into a library would constitute a fine or night in jail, Gavin twisted the antique doorknob and pushed open the heavy oak door.

  Inside was dark, with the only exception of a backroom light that hadn’t been turned off and a few green dots that belonged to computers sprinkled between the rows of tall bookcases. The only light to aid their way came from the orange glow of the street lamps in the parking lot that beamed through the windows that stretched from the floor to the ceiling.

  Gavin walked inside while Chloe rushed out to the jeep to retrieve her laptop.

  When she came back and softly closed the door behind her, the library was deathly silent. Her footsteps on the tile foyer floor echoed off the high ceiling as she made her way towards a studying desk.

  “Gavin?” she called out, his name reverberating off the walls.

  “I’m still here,” he replied from somewhere in the far back of the library.

  Chloe began to make her way in that general direction to look for a place to settle down. But after a few steps past the history section, something flew past her, followed by a gust of wind that whipped her hair over her face.

  She tried to find her balance and brushed her hair away to look for what had almost hit her.

  “Was that you?” she hollered, a slight warble in her voice as she tried not to laugh at herself.

  “Yes, I apologize. I didn’t know you were standing there.” Gavin was a few rows behind her now in the reference section where all the encyclopedias were kept.

  Chloe turned and hurried to catch up, but as soon as she did, the blur that was Gavin flew out of the aisle and across the divide between the fiction and nonfiction sections.

  She stood perfectly still, not wishing to be run over again.

  “Are you going to pinball around like that all night?” she quipped.

  “Possibly,” was his only response.

  She wanted to groan in frustration. Chloe hoped that this trip would also be a bonding time for them. She imagined that he could sit across the table and read while she wrote in the novel for a little while. That didn’t appear to be what he had in mind at all.

  However, she didn’t want to hinder him from doing what he needed to do. Already she could sense the lack of tension in his voice. There was plenty here for him to read that would keep him distracted from the hunger that must be endlessly gnawing at him.

  Chloe found a table somewhere in the central part of the library and began to set up her laptop, mouse, and hard drive. While she waited for the computer to wake up, she peered down the shadowy aisles.

  She couldn’t see Gavin in any of them and gave up the attempt after a while.

  As she typed out the next scenes that did not include Ben, Chloe saw the faint wisps of movement in the corner of her vision. There was no method to Gavin’s roaming. He sporadically whisked from one section to another without pattern.

  When it did happen that Gavin was within sight of where Chloe sat, she turned and watched him in fascination. He didn’t read like she, or any other human on this planet, did. He flipped through the pages of a thick tome, reading each page that was densely packed with words as if there were only one sentence there. She watched him finish off a heavy novel in less than five minutes. Then, he placed it back on the shelf and moved on to somewhere else.

  “Are you really reading everything?” she asked once.

  Gavin replied from some bookcase behind her, “Yes, I am. I’m a fast reader.”

  She laughed. “I think that’s an understatement.”

  Chloe watched the time crawl by slowly, and her progress in the novel went even more slowly. She found herself sidetracked by keeping tabs on where approximately Gavin was in the library; so much that it was hard to concentrate on the task at hand. Every time he moved, her eyes darted around to see where he went and which section he was reading from now.

  Midnight tolled, and with only a few pages written, she wondered if she should get up and read a little herself. It might be more productive, and Chloe had been meaning to see if they had a copy of Wuthering Heights she could pour herself into.

  But as she was about to rise from her seat, she saw Gavin walking towards her. His eyes
were fixed on the pages of a book, and his mouth was twisted in horror and disbelief. His steps were slow and lumbering as if he were walking in a daze.

  Chloe glanced at the title and sucked in a tight breath. It was a book she hadn’t read before, but many of her friends had raved about it years back. It was a gruesome tale of murder and bloodlust, with the vampires as the star characters.

  A library was a treasure trove of knowledge and adventure. It was a place where anyone could walk in and travel across time and space, slipping into someone else’s shoes and living a life that they never could. It was part of the reason she wanted to become an author. She wanted to give that thrill to others and share the story that was inside her.

  But if she had known that the library had such books stored on its shelves, she would have never brought Gavin here at all. Chloe chided herself for forgetting that such books existed. It was only a matter of time before Gavin found them here.

  He stepped up to the edge of the table and turned one page with such aching slowness that Chloe wanted to weep. The motion conveyed less apprehension and more utter shock at the words his eyes drank in.

  After a few agonizing moments of silence as he continued to read, Gavin shut the book. He wasn’t even half way through. Without lifting his gaze, he pulled out one of the chairs at the desk and sat down heavily.

  All the anger that had been there only hours before was gone, leaving only a sad emptiness in his expression. Chloe didn’t know what to say to him. There would be no way to curb the hurt he must have felt.

  “It’s no wonder you were afraid of me,” he whispered, his voice barely audible. If it weren’t so silent that Chloe could hear a pin drop, she might not have heard him at all.

  She pushed aside her laptop and swatted the book out of his hands before gripping his fingers with a boldness that only a lover possessed for the one they cared so deeply about. His skin, which she hadn’t touched in days, was ice cold, much different from the usual warmth it gave. Was he chilled by the book he just read or was this an effect of the detox?

  “You aren’t like them,” she said, wishing her voice hadn’t turned so brusque. Chloe had to make him believe that what she said was true.

  Gavin looked at her, a flicker of self-loathing behind his gaze. “How am I not? I’m still a monster; an abomination amongst humanity.”

  Chloe shook her head. “You’re not like them because you’re not a murderer.”

  Gavin squeezed his eyes shut and turned away. “Yes, I am.”

  She huffed. “You’ve killed animals. I’m sure some animal rights activists would call you a murderer, but it’s not the same as killing a human being.”

  “But I have killed a human.”

  A chill shot through her veins, and her stomach retched. She’d never known Gavin to lie. And the pain and regret in his voice told her that he wasn’t this time, either.

  She swallowed and asked, “When?”

  It took a while before his eyelids cracked open, but he wouldn’t look up at her. “A long time ago. It was during your Civil War. The fighting had come close to Carter Lake.”

  Chloe could sense his struggle, reliving the memories he had hidden from her. She understood why he kept this a secret. It was the root of all his self-loathing, the pivotal point in his existence that made him question his own humanity. She didn’t have to listen to the whole story to know that this is when he considered himself a monster, not when he had to bury his family and hide from the light of the sun in his own cellar.

  “After a battle, I was in the woods, and I came upon, what I believed to be, a dead soldier. I had found many before. Especially in the war for colonial independence before your family took possession of the cabin. I was always careful to check for a heartbeat. If there was none, I…” He paused, but he didn’t have to finish his sentence for her to know what he meant.

  So hers was the not the first drop of blood he had tasted.

  “This time, I was careless. The soldier wasn’t moving, and I hadn’t fed yet. By the time I bit down, it was too late.” He swallowed hard, his lips twisted in disgust. “I felt his pulse while I drank, but I couldn’t stop. It was like nothing I’d ever tasted before. Human blood is so different from that of an animal’s.”

  Gavin breathed a heavy sigh. “When it was over, and I realized what I had done, I tried to kill myself. But even after a hundred years, it was still all new to me, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t.”

  Finally, he met her stare, and Chloe’s heart was gripped with grief when she saw the tears form in his beautiful eyes.

  “I’m just like them, Chloe. I’m a monster.”

  Chloe stood up and moved around the table, driven by a need to comfort him somehow. She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and neck and hugged him tight.

  She understood what Gavin had done, but she didn’t care. It was an honest mistake and a poor decision. Heaven knows, she had made poor choices, too. Maybe none of them involved killing a person, but a mistake was a mistake, and it was too long ago to dwell on it so heavily. That abandoned soldier may not have survived his wounds anyway.

  All that mattered to Chloe was that he was here, with her, and his suicidal attempts had failed. If he had succeeded, they would have never met.

  So much death lingered around him, but it had not managed to destroy him.

  Gavin shivered, but her lips spread into a smile when she felt his hand lay across her forearm.

  “You’re not a monster to me, Gavin. You never will be. You feel remorse for the things you’ve done. Those characters didn’t. That’s what sets you apart. You still have your humanity. And I’m glad you didn’t kill yourself. If you had, I would never have met you.”

  Gavin leaned his head against hers, and she could see a bit of a smile on his lips. It was the first she’d seen in days.

  They stayed like that for a while, just holding each other until the pain faded away into the dark recesses of his subconscious. Chloe knew it would come up again, but for now, it was gone. She’d been able to do something that he could never do for himself—cope with the past.

  The moment was broken when Gavin went rigid. It was the same motionless state as when he had bitten her a few nights ago while they kissed.

  His fingers clamped down on her arm.

  Chloe jerked her head away to look at his face. Even in the dim light, she could tell that his eyes had changed again. A black and red gaze was fixed hungrily on her wrist.

  For a fleeting moment, she was scared, but not for herself. She was scared of Gavin falling off the wagon so soon. It was only his second day. If he fed, even a drop or two, they would have to start all over again.

  However, after such a moment of emotional weakness, Chloe wanted to cater to him just this once. They could start again just as easily as before. Humanity could wait a couple of more days, couldn’t it?

  Instead of pulling away, Chloe drew her soft flesh closer to his mouth. She was like a mother spoiling a child, but Gavin had suffered enough.

  “I don’t mind,” she whispered in his ear as if she were giving her consent to something much more meaningful than a midnight snack.

  She watched Gavin’s face contort with emotions as each one segued into the next almost seamlessly; confusion, relief, hesitance, longing, anger, and finally fury that could be compared to that night when he tasted her blood for the first time. No doubt, he was remembering how her blood had sent him into a euphoric state and how terrible he felt afterward.

  Instead of accepting her offer, he released her arm and bolted away, disappearing into the library. Chloe couldn’t even tell which direction he’d fled. She spun around and looked at the front door, but it stayed shut. Gavin hadn’t left, she was certain of that.

  Her own feelings conflicted with one another as she sat down behind her computer. Chloe felt pity for Gavin, but she was also proud. He could have fed, but he hadn’t. He was much stronger than she had anticipated.

 
; Shame crept in, deriding her for being so weak and giving into his temptation. No amount of reasoning could rationalize her effusive behavior.

  Chloe resolved that she would have to be strong from now on, strong like he was. It would only get worse from here, and the hunger would be even more consuming. If she gave into him on the fourth day, there was no telling if he would take only a sip or drain her dry without restraint.

  But she couldn’t belabor the issue any longer. They wouldn’t have to start over. And there were five days left on this journey. Chloe only hoped they would both make it out in one piece.

  Chapter 16

  Even after two and a half cups of coffee, Chloe had a hard time keeping her tired eyes open. The drive down the mountain had proved a little dangerous due to her heavy exhaustion. But, the fridge was empty, and the grocery store closed at six o’clock.

  What was more debilitating than the fatigue was the bright sunshine. Chloe never realized how accustomed she had become to the dark of night. Even the light that fell across her left arm while she was driving seemed to sear her skin a bit. Chloe saw a lot of aloe in her future if she stayed out in the afternoon sun for too long.

  This would also be her first time interacting with people since committing herself to staying up with Gavin every night.

  It was day three of his detox program, and after last night’s near disaster when she offered him her blood in a moment of weakness, Chloe knew she had to tread softly today.

  Carter Lake was buzzing with activity. Families were out in the streets with their children, shopping and spending their Saturday together. It reminded Chloe that she hadn’t talked to her mom or dad in a while. Each time she wanted to call, it was at an ungodly hour for them, and she knew they wouldn’t answer the phone.

  It was then that she realized that Thanksgiving was approaching. Two weeks away. Main Street was generously decorated with fall colors on the lamp posts. Pumpkins, hay bales, and scarecrow men were on nearly every bench and street corner. Signs everywhere advertised Pumpkin Patch excursions and turkeys for sale.